About Me

My photo
Stoke on Trent, Staffordshire, United Kingdom
Broadcaster, musician, song writer, tea drinker and curry lover.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Lessons from Joseph

Okay, so today's post is a direct response to this blog which you really should check out. This gal has challenged and encouraged me more than she'll probably ever know, and this post of hers kinda awakened something in me which I have been pushing down as far as I can. although I have mentioned it at times to one or two close friends.

In direct response to Lindsay, there have been many times when I have really struggled with just how relevant the Bible is to me. I find it hard to carve out time - or maybe it's to carve out the desire to open it up. Many people say the morning is the best time etc. etc. but for me, the morning isn't the best time for anything! And so it goes on and on in circles.

Connected to all that, the past 2 and a half years have been a time of monumental struggle within me, as I dealt with the fallout over my failed attempts just to stay in this country. It became harder and harder to deal with what was happening to me, and I became more and more convinced that God was against me. I closed up. Prayer became a chore that I did not want to do. Corporate prayer became something of a nightmare. As I perceived my life to be falling off the rails, exactly the same thing was happening with my relationship with God.

I found myself making some bad choices and feeling I was letting God down in a big way. Well now of course I had a reason why God might be mad at me. I found myself on the platform at church, leading worship week-in and week-out feeling dry and empty, and wondering why everyone else seemed to be having a totally amazing time with God - who I couldn't see anywhere. Add to that I was working for a Christian radio station, trying to encourage listeners with a truth that I wasn't sure about.

I'm not going to pretend things are all better now. I am reading the Bible daily, and finding a great deal in Genesis that I can grab a hold of, especially the story of Joseph, which I am nearing the end of.

I still find prayer hard. I still have empty days on the platform. I still have days when I wonder what God is up to. BUT, as the past days' blogs may reveal, I have some perspective on what's happening, I have amazing prayers from amazing prayer warriors the world over, and I am talking to people about what's going through my head.

Maybe it was my own pride that told me that I deserved for everything to work out here. Maybe I was complacent to think that all my visas would come into line and I'd sail away into the sunset on a tide of bliss and comfort. Unfortunately for me, I forgot that's not the way God works. I can easily ask myself why, at age 48, I am still not "settled" - whatever that is! In fact I'm probably more unsettled now than I've ever been.

God has nothing to answer for. My life is his. It's his world. I have just to follow and obey. It's a daily struggle, but I think I'm starting to see an end to the spiritual fog...just maybe.


Krystle said...

Good post. Follows along with One Thousand Gifts.
He died on the cross for us, how dare I ask Him for anything more??
Great reminder, and keep at it!! Love you!

Anonymous said...

Fearlessness is a place of rest. It's "the norm". Unfortunately, we're bombarded by fear everyday by someone wanting to control our lives. To buy their products. To watch their TV shows. To tell us how to vote. To take away our freedoms. Fearlessness is a place where we can distinguish truth from fiction and not get lost in all the noise. Luke 2:10

Lindsay said...

wow... amen to anonymous' comment "Fearlessness is a place where we can distinguish truth from fiction and not get lost in all the noise."

I just think it's amazing to see your journey through this... its the rough stuff that breaks us out of complacency ... it makes us realize he wants more from us than just being consumers of his love and people... he wants all of us... the good and the bad... the fruit and the toil... I just think your amazing for sharing this and I love seeing how God really is working in your life and the blessing that is flowing out of you because of it... love you brother!!!

Jenna said...

Love the raw honesty, Kip. You know what you mean to this family. We are praying, and our God is faithful. Just because we're confused/discouraged/empty doesn't make that any less true.